I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
