I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
