I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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