Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
