if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
