He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
