and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Randomize
