some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
