i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
