i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
