If i come over, it means nothing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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