Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just crazy horny about you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
