i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
