i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize