God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
