maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
