I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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