We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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