Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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