oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
