Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
