dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize