My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is classic penis vs brain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
