my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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