i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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