Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
