That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize