guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
