Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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