Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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