fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize