I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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