24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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