Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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