Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
