Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
