i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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