ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
