I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
