Pants 0. Shit 1.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
false alarm, still single
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
