fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
