dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
