thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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