I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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