Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
