i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
