I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
