I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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