So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
