I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
