So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
