Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
