He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
