So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
