come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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