I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
