just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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