I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
