I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You can't motorboat a personality
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
