Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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