Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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