i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
