I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
