I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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