The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
